Parenting Baby to Sleep

Sustainability is the word of the moment, along with that other word I have grown to hate hearing ‘Un-precedent’. So to use these two in combination we in our current situation of the world today have ‘Un-precedent Un-sustainability’. Our resources are diminishing we are imploding in a pone ourselves as a species. In the past 100 to 200 or so years this craze of selfishness has excelled beyond most of our comprehensions.  

 

I would bring up a thought that someone had, who is very pro-cry it out… “all I have to say, is that, do you know that that our generation is one of the most self-absorbed, narcissistic, selfish generations that has ever been? I doubt that that’s because we were neglected/controlled/forced (whatever you want to call it) so often throughout infancy and childhood.“

Many of you like husband  and myself might nod in agreement in part of what this person has said but stumble over the “I doubt” part…re-read then shake your head and smile at how the commenter has missed why children are they way they are. These ‘qualities’ within ourselves are one of the main keys to what has been our demise as humans the past few generations.

 

AND it is these ‘qualities’ that are some of the reasons why parents like myself parent the way we do. Because they are sick of how the ‘rest’ of the world is…selfish, greedy, self centered, non-committing, un-empathetic, narcissistic…and often just downright rude and mean.

 

Many people in our world today wonder why we have got into such a situation. Why are there children killing children, why is there such violence in our lives, why do so many not seem to care how much they use and consume. Why is our emotional intelligence so low which lowers our ability to work together, think about each other’s feelings and work together as a team….thus comes the uncaring about our world and the resources.

Many of us have wondered and many of us have looked at ourselves and others around us…and some of us have decided that it is ‘us’ that is the problem and we need to teach our children in a different way. Our different way is teaching from the beginning good habits, caring habits and thoughtful habits often called Attachment Parenting.

 

Children are true mirrors of the people who care for them. This mirroring starts at a very early age which is why so much research has been done on the 0-3 age and has been deemed so important. If we look at the brain development of an infant (Graph put together from information from the Brain Wave trust and Wisconsin Council on Children and Families)

 

We can see Emotional Development and Social Attachment Skills are developed and honed from the day we are born. These pathways in the brain which can be linked by positive occurrences in an infant’s life making strong synapse links (Postnatal brain development takes place from the bottom up. The brain stem and midbrain which monitor the involuntary functions are the first to develop, as they are crucial for the survival. The last parts to eventually develop are the limbic system which controls the emotions and then the cerebral cortex, which is the organ of cognitive controls….more) (Nature, Nurture and Early Brain Development) with healthy responsive parenting. Or they can be eroded or not even made by neglect or unresponsive parenting; this can lead to an infant growing into an adult who has low emotional intelligence.  Some links to my other posts Babies and Children forced into independence , and my other posts which might contain empathy

These parts of our brain are set up for life and yes while our brain can change and develop with help it is not until later that the adult may realize that there is something wrong or a miss and starting out ‘right’ is much much easier.

 

The parenting style which used ‘Cry it out’ as a ‘tool’ or technique to ‘teach’ an infant to sleep is missing out on some of the most fundamental  aspects of human biology and brain development.

This parenting style shuts off the interaction needed for the ‘good’ development of these areas as well as setting themselves up for a life of un-empathetic communication with their children. As how do you once you’ve started down the road of the blocking out of human cries of fear do you after a few years change to listening (and the stage of development which is important for that listening is past in the infants development).

 

Empathy is one of our keys to unlocking or slowly removing our issues of Un-precedent Un-sustainability. Empathy and Education.

 

We have changed from the days of living cave man style – which some might be saddened over that loss of community collectiveness and attunement – to living as they say ‘life in the fast lane’.

Today we live alone or in very small family units some unknowing even where the milk comes from before it got in the carton let alone what it takes to put it there.

Living this modern singular life of as little emotional and environmental interaction as possible leads us as human infant to grow up as distant unthinking and uncaring adults.

Which is why we as parents are the leaders – the protectors – of our environment as we teach our children empathy and knowledge which is learnt and remembered from the day we are born.

 

Some good reading:

·         Sears “The Successful Child” a good quote from this book is “Your success in life, (Jim and Bob,) will not be measured by the money you make of the degrees you earn, but rather by the number of persons whose lives are better because of what you did.”

·         Meredith F. Small “Our Babies, Ourselves – How biology and culture shape the way we parent” to read an interview about our brain size and developoment.

·         Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell’s book “Parenting from the Inside Out” - also to read one of my posts on the different types of attachment

 

 

Where do you learn empathy but from your parents showing you empathy. If you feel that letting your infant scream itself to sleep is ok cause they are too young to know any better (which many intelligent researchers will tell you that this is NOT true) what about the people around you who hear it; your older children, your partner, your friends and their children – where are you showing that you care? How do you think the excuses of “but he/she needs to learn how to sleep on their own” goes down…really? Truly a child is crying…that child needs attention. 

I know from reading a few books on SIDS and a few other books just on general baby sleep like the Sears that babies who have been sleep trained using the Cry it out or Extinction method and even Controlled Crying are quite deep sleepers.

Deep sleepers as in very little can wake them up by ways of noise or even uncomfortable temperatures.

 

One of the things that sold me in my early days to use Tizzie Halls Save our sleep book was the little paragraph about the growing problems of adult sleep problems – like insomnia.

Now in my understanding and learning I feel that I’ve learnt that these sleep problems have really only been about SINCE we have been using sleep training. Sleep was never the issue in the past as it is today.

 

SIDS research has told us that some babies seem to die in their sleep because they stop breathing. In my reading I have learnt that some babies need to wake up many times in the night before they learn how to get the hang of their body and breathe properly (among many other staying alive issues to be learnt).

 

I’ve a few friends that have been sleep trained and know that these people do have problems with sleep – settling, staying asleep or wanting to go to sleep. I’ve writing a post on Not sleeping through the night ” If people wake up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning they think something is wrong that they have insomnia or heavens above maybe as a child then never really learn how to self soothe or self settle. This can become a problem the more one thinks about it and worries about it the more one wakes up, rather than thinking its just a natural part of life and waking up in the night is normal….”

 

It seems to me that many people have become frightened of sleep and the way that we humans have been “built” for sleep. In another post I’ve been interested in sleep I used this picture to show us the different sleep cycles.

 

So my question is if these deep sleeping people be it baby/child/adult are not having these important parts in their sleep where they dream what affect is it having on their brain. Dreaming is said to be an important part of sleep some say it’s time to sort out information some say its creating new links in parts of the brain.

 

Are deep sleepers a problem?

Well if we slept too deep in the past we might have been some hungry animals dinner.

If we sleep to deep and are not aware of temperatures we can get cold or hot…for a child this might mean death and adult…?

Sleeping deep means that might not “hear” things or “smell” things which would arouse us if there is a danger….fire, storm or even an intruder.

Bed sharing with a baby if you’re a deep sleeper is dangerous…and bed sharing with a partner might not be all that comfortable unless you’re a very still deep sleeper and don’t snore.

 

Which leads to another question “Is the sleep trained good to sleep next too” well hey.

Parents often think that they are here to guide the little ones. When - in reality – the little ones come forth with clarity to guide you.
Visit Abraham/Ester Hicks …while she is not about parenting she does have many ideas to offer about life.