SIDS and safe t sleep – cruelty out of love? March 7, 2009
Posted by Megan in Belief in Baby’s Crys: Cry It Out/Controlled Cry, Beware the Baby Trainers, Marketing: Formula/Baby Apparel, Sleep issues: SIDS.add a comment
In writing this post I need you to visit the Safe T Sleep web site to see the photos for readers who do not know what this product is.
Often in other posts I have liked the correlation that Keith Sawyer (page 16 of PDF for photo) likened wrapping to the strapping down of patients be it hospital or institute.
Both web sites really need to be seen for the photos before you can understand what my view points are.
So the scoop is that SIDS NZ and Safe T Sleep® Partnership Announced
I have three issues with this ’scoop’
- SIDS NZ aligning themselves with marketing buying a product and the idea that something needs to be brought to keep children safe rather than parenting.
- If we follow SIDS guidelines from round the world and sleep with our babies with in arms reach i.e. a co-sleeper cot, the basinet…for goodness sake a banana box….the SIDS rates drop dramatically. Look at other co-sleeping countries like Sweden, Japan, Hong Kong.
- With this product I can see children being strapped down crying no matter what age…a tool to hold a child down.
My question is how often when it comes to our children do we do something out of love when in fact if we really look at the situation is quite cruel.
Yes this product might keep a child safe on its back and might ease a parents mind but what are we really allowing our selves by using this product to do to our children?
Young infants are often wrapped as we believe that they like the tight sensation. Often as parents who are frustrated with their children not keeping still, they will use this wrap as a way to keep their children in one place. I have written about wrapping before in this post wrapping baby to sleep
So is this Safe t sleep just another way to keep our children in place.
My personal thought is ‘wow even worse crying my self to sleep and not being able to move…new born to the ripe old age of 3′….3 years old now that is cruel. …what about toileting, what about needing to lay in a different position, what about bed sores….and I’m sure there are many other mental problems on top of the physical gained by using this ‘product’.
Generation of the quick fix June 24, 2008
Posted by Megan in Beware the Baby Trainers, History: Cultural Beliefs and Society Pressures, Human Development/Mental Health, Myths: Sleep through the Night/Self Soothing.add a comment
I’m guilty
Yes me
I wanted out
I’d had enough
Can I give it back!
Oh man I do remember being sooooo tired. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do…well hey all my life I’d been told what to do…My parents, My teachers, My boss…and then it was up to me to do it all on my own.
It was up to me to make up my own mind on what to do with my tiny little daughter that would just not sleep. No one had told me what to expect…I mean we are all independent adults we shouldn’t need help now should we?
Then it came to me…”well if no one wants to tell me what to do I’ll find a book and learn”. Well that’s what I feel can I can do to fix things, I read and the I try it out. For others they prefer to ask the experts like Doctors, Nurses, Midwifes and Nannies. Some still feel that its their parents or family that have the answer (well maybe they do depending if the line of information has not been interrupted in the last 150-200 years of infiltration of expert information).
This is all just reassurance…and for some people if they don’t like what they hear they will keep asking until they get what they want. (Like me I didn’t think it was right to let a baby cry themselves to sleep and so I stopped asking the people who told me it was ok and I looked at why they thought that this was so…hence my blog and my look into history and mental illnesses)
One thing that we often forget it that all good things take time.
How long did it take for you to learn how to drive a car? Did you know exactly what to do how to change gears (if you started with a manual like me) could you park the car, do a hill start…all first pop?
How long did it take for you to learn a second language? Did you just listen to your teacher speak then speak back and know exactly what you were saying?
How long did it take you to learn how to cook? Did you know how to buy, prepare, and cook a meal. Did you know how to stir the pot so the food would not catch and burn. Did it just come to you out of the blue that if you wanted to roast some vegetables that you might have to wash them possibly peal them then if its your fancy herb and oil them…then know how long it would take to cook them and when they are done and how hot to have the oven.
Ok I rabbit
BUT my point is
Good things take time.
A baby (person) takes time to learn MANY things and sleep is one of them.
For me we needed a method – a routine to follow (not strictly but lovingly and thoughtful and watching and understanding)
The understanding to take things slowly (thank you Elizabeth Pantley) you may go many nights sitting on the bed in the dark breastfeeding/feeding your bub and as you slowly pop them off and lower them to the bed (feet touching first)…they wake up. So you do it again…and again…until you’ve done it.
Then they wake up in 45minutes time so you go back in and you use quiet words of love and reassurance…and do what you feel is needed….for some its back on the breast for some it’s a pick up and a hug a shhhh and then gently back down on the bed….shhhhh….for others its putting your head down beside your bub while rubbing their back softly humming and shhhhing….and understanding that crying is because they are learning how to sleep…its frustration and confusion but who best to be there but the best parents in the world…..YOU!
Colic and my baby will not sleep June 20, 2008
Posted by Megan in Baby wearing: hows/types/who's, Belief in Baby’s Crys: Cry It Out/Controlled Cry, Sleep issues: SIDS/Highneeds/Colic.add a comment
“We just don’t know the course of colic” is often the answer by medical professionals and the like, which is NOT what parents want to hear when they have a screaming unsettled child on their hands. Most of the time with a screaming unsettled child we have the combination of unsettled and very tired parents.
So here are some tips and other web sites which might be of help
1. Babywearing (at least 2 weeks to see any difference) the best hold would be to use a wrap and put the baby on your front. These instructions are from Ella Roo.
There is a theory that children with colic are very gassy and need to get burps out so if we hold them in a way that will help with this we should get some relief. How long do you carry the baby for? Well maybe the question is how much do you want your child to settle without the use of any medical treatments? Many Mothers will carry their children all day while doing chores and racing round after older children in the family.
2. Diet change. This is a hard one for many Mothers and there will often be a LOT of frustration as there are a LOT of different suggestions. Remember that everyone is different and different things will affect different people.
If you’re a breastfeeding Mother you will need to stick to your elimination diet for at least 2 weeks to notice any change….and it may not just be one thing which is setting your child off. You may also find that you might start to feel better within yourself once you have changed your diet too.
o Ask Dr Sears site has Colic-causing foods in Breastfeeding page with a list of foods
o Baby Matters book and web site has a good list of foods to think about also a large amount of research into the affects of Cows Milk.
Some foods to try taking out of your diet to start with are
Cheese – Corn - Cow’s Milk – Egg – Peanut – Shellfish – Soy – Strawberry – Tomato – Wheat
3. Sleep time…sigh
So after your baby has been sleeping in its wrap all snug and close to Mum/Mom it’s time for Mum/Mom to have some sleep too.
o A bed that is moving like a hammock is often a good idea (The Amby Baby site has a good one which lasts until your child is 18kg).
o Try co-sleeping with your baby (see Dr J Mckenna from The University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab on how to do this safely) as well as Dr Sears
You may find that because of the diet change and the babywearing and the sleeping within arms reach that your baby will start to settle into a better nighttime pattern.
o Read up on what is realistic for your child’s age and how long they are able to sleep. Realise that infants are not supposed to sleep through the night and they will need comfort from their parents….many times. Learn about a baby’s sleep cycle and understand that it is normal and healthy for them to wake.
4. Dealing with the crying.
This is very hard for many people as often we have leftover issues from our own childhood of being shushed or told to harden up or its not so bad.
o A good article on dealing with crying is written by Dr. Aletha Solter “…Although it is stressful for babies to cry alone, there is no evidence that crying in a parent’s arms is harmful, once all immediate needs are met. On the contrary, crying in arms can be beneficial for babies who have an accumulation of stress….” while this to start with might be hard, but once you become more confident and know that you have done everything from change a nappy, to feed, to check to make sure there are no “hurts” then to loving comfort words, patting and rocking we can let our baby “tell us all about it”. One of the keys is to learn how to relax (hard yes while someone you love is crying).
o Coping with Colic the Ask Dr Sears
o Try using a Swiss ball/Yoga ball while baby is snuggled into your shoulder in the upright position very gently bounce.
o PLEASE NOTE that if crying is prolonged to seek help.
These are all just ideas that you might like to try these ideas have helped many others but may not be right for you…keep looking and if you find more information which you think should be here please leave a comment.
5. Get help
It is hard dealing with a crying child. It is tiring and trying. Ask a family member to give you a few days break, church members, friends, neighbors
If you feel that you are in danger of hurting your child or about to snap….PLEASE call for help!
You yourself might just need to sit down and cry as well.
Some other Web sites and Blogs with other links and suggestions
Remember that this is your child that is crying but it is not your fault, babies do need their parents love and support of kind words and gentle arms.
This is not a time to “just put them down and let them get over it” and keep in mind…that this too shall pass (often within 3-6 months).
Routine or Schedule May 24, 2008
Posted by Megan in Routine or Schedules: sleeping and eating.add a comment
Routine
1. a customary or regular course of procedure.
2. commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as must be done regularly or at specified intervals; typical or everyday activity: the routine of an office.
3. regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.
Schedule
1. a plan of procedure, usually written, for a proposed objective, esp. with reference to the sequence of and time allotted for each item or operation necessary to its completion: The schedule allows three weeks for this stage.
2. a series of things to be done or of events to occur at or during a particular time or period: He always has a full schedule.
3. a timetable.
I’ve put these to definitions up so people can understand what I mean about the difference between the two.
If we look at “Baby trainers” they use schedules and work by the clock.
Routine is more along the lines of: one thing leads to another.
Would Letting them Cry Solve the Problems? May 17, 2008
Posted by Megan in Belief in Baby’s Crys: Cry It Out/Controlled Cry, Beware the Baby Trainers, History: Cultural Beliefs and Society Pressures, Myths: Sleep through the Night/Self Soothing.add a comment
“…If a day or two of letting a child cry to sleep would solve all problems, there is no way that the previously quoted percentages would be so high (they are in the book on the other page). In addition, if those who tried it found immediate, simple success, it would be impossible for word not to spread quickly around the world. The truth is that even though cry-it-out advocates try to tell you that it’s a quick fix, it often takes weeks or even months of very intense crying (and very little sleeping) for a child to finally succumb and start sleeping better, only to relapse after teething, illness, vacations, schedule changes, and growth spurts. So to imply that “a few nights of crying” would solve everything is naive and unrealistic….’
This is from one of my new books…Elizabeth Pantley. I’ve been getting new books in the subject of parenting for over a year now. Dave and I were just discussing how far we have come and how educated we are now to what we were before.
We don’t need this book as Ara is sleeping just fine but I’ve become a bit of a “sleep helper” and in my search for help/ideas it seems that information has become very slim as children become older…so the book the “No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers” is just great.
As I have found through my looking over the past year not only does this idea of crying (no matter what type) to sleep it;
1. Does not seem to last and
2. Does not seem to be very good developmentally for a human child
3. Seems to have lasting affects to adulthood (even though some people may not see it as a problem cause they are so wrapped up within themselves – lack of empathy, or they do not realize that the problems they are having stem from childhood)
No Cry Sleep Solution ‘Handout’ May 6, 2008
Posted by Megan in Good Books, Good People, Routine or Schedules: sleeping and eating.add a comment
Its a PDF (click it to download) for all of us who still like to have something of their own…and may even want to use a tree to print it out…and give it to a friend in need…or leave your copy once you’ve used it in a place which it might be viewed and put into use like your local playcentre, plunket rooms or any gathering place for parents. 
Help to save children and their sleep needs
Love
Megan
Not sleeping through the night May 5, 2008
Posted by Megan in Myths: Sleep through the Night/Self Soothing.2 comments
The wish for a child to sleep through the night is a strong one for new parents and one which many parents seem to want no matter what the cost.
But is sleeping through the night a natural thing or even a good thing?
In the article “dreams differed” we can see that it was not until the invention of the light bulb did humans really start to sleep through the night (well some of them anyway).
Up until that light bulb burning at all hours we humans used to lay down with the sun and get up with the sun, but we did not necessarily sleep all the night. Goodness just imagine sleeping nearly 12 hours from 7pm till 7am or in some cases in winter 5pm till 8am (in some countries even longer or shorter). As we can see in the article but also with peoples around the world who do not have electricity this is a time for storytelling, talking, hunting, love making, breastfeeding or catching up on sleep .
The question is has this big change in our environment, our way of life has it affected us as humans?
Yes we did have oil lamps and very good ones at that but with the invention of the light bulb in the late 1800’s we also had the invention of sleep training for babies coming into affect.
If people wake up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning they think something is wrong that they have insomnia or heavens above maybe as a child then never really learn how to self soothe or self settle. This can become a problem the more one thinks about it and worries about it the more one wakes up, rather than thinking its just a natural part of life and waking up in the night is normal. But as we have developed as a culture we have also separated our self off from room sharing so who is there to talk to what can a person do?
Many people who have been subjected to “cry it out” methods will later on in life have very late bed times is this to make sure that they are so tired that they will not wake up – fear of waking up in the night? Is this healthy? A fear of lack of sleep or a fear of not sleeping at the “right” times.
Has the pressure of sleeping through the night affected our adult life too?
I Need Sleep NOW! April 25, 2008
Posted by Megan in Sleep tips help ideas.add a comment
This is for all of you who’s eyes are hanging out and you need help now!
Doctor W. Sears Sleep Tips 8
Or
Doctor W. Sears Sleep Tips 31
Or
8 Sleep Facts
Or
Sears Sleep Video
Elizabeth Pantley’s Eight Sleep Tips
Zen bedtime This article made a big different to my mind set on baby and sleep.
I strongly recommend that you look at co-sleeping even if you only start with the day naps. Once I started co-sleeping I changed from a screaming violent mess to a functioning human mother!
Safe Co-Sleeping and Leading Research
Have you been feeding your baby to sleep?
Elizabeth Pantley’s book talks about how to slowly break this habit if you do not like it.
Can you possibly read some really important information about crying?
Please look at this article they are professional people who know what they are talking about
Please once you have some sleep under your eyes….please come back and read some really interesting information on human children’s sleep needs!
Teaching a Baby to Self Soothe April 25, 2008
Posted by Megan in Belief in Baby’s Crys: Cry It Out/Controlled Cry, Myths: Sleep through the Night/Self Soothing.15 comments
When new parents start out life with their new born life, all is new, strange, scary, fascinating and exciting. But after a few days, weeks or months of possibly not sleeping well we as parents start to hear these words.
“Babies need to learn how to ’self soothe’ otherwise they will never be good sleepers”.
I think first we need to look at who is backing this myth and where it has come from.
When I first heard these words it was from one of my Plunket nurses, she said these words to a large group of new mothers, we (the Plunket nurse, new mothers and I) then went on to talk about how to “train” our babies to self sooth with controlled crying (well I of course didn’t encourage CC).
I’m sure there are many other organizations around the world like Plunket who support this idea of self soothing but they don’t seem to have any backing such as research or studies to show that children do in fact become bad sleepers if not left to cry.
Carrying on with my discussion group of new Mothers I would have to say nothing really came of the talk as the Plunket nurse could not commit to any length of time that was safe to leave the baby (this was after a talk which was on the damages to a baby’s brain development from prolonged crying) and no mother there really felt that any time was right.
I feel that this comment by the Nurse about – needing to learn how to self soothe – is very irresponsible, very untrue as well as creating more stress and pressure on new parents. These words are often said to a new parent as something they must do to their children. The parents are left with little guidance or understanding of what “self soothing” actually is and really why they should do it and are the reasons really a part of the parents beliefs.
I suppose we must look at the reasons why we feel we ‘must’ train our babies to self soothe.
For a start, organizations like Plunket, like to enforce cot/crib sleeping and sleeping alone.
Co-sleeping is a another whole question which I have and will answer in time but if you would like to see some good web sites like the Mother Baby Sleep Lab or this article on “why babies should never sleep alone” or Ask Dr Sears about co-sleeping or Ask Dr Sears or Sears again and again or Baby Reference (yes I know this web site needs up dating but it does have really good information) to help you on your way.
In the short we are taught in our culture that babies must sleep alone these teaching seem to be based on fear and sex (the lack of, the seeing of).
Baby sleeping alone can be very draining for parents who then need to get up and down all night to re-settle their children. This is also very draining for a poor breastfeeding Mother who has to get out of bed to go into another room to feed her baby.
So here is born the need to learn how to “self soothe”.
It is born from the myth that children must sleep alone in another room. It is born from the need to quell parent’s fears hearing their children cry out for them in the middle of the night (or even the middle of the day).
It is enforced by organizations like Plunket whose information come out of yesteryear and it is spurred on by “Chinese Whispers” of fear through our communities.
If we take away the idea that children must be in another room to “learn” how to sleep and replace it with they should be with their parents to learn how to sleep…then the whole need for “teaching a baby how to self soothe” becomes a non-event as they learn from their parents each night how to become good healthy sleepers.
Learning by following example or mirroring is how we learn best as young humans.
We as parents also need to learn that this learning takes time and may be done at a different time from other children…but in the end we all do learn how to sleep.
Some more links
As well as these ones here…there are a lot of them at the Sleeping with Natural child and Natural child project
This post from a friend also talks about discipline which I feel very strongly about too (I love the diagram)
Also a post on the Damage of CIO
Also for a bit of history and understanding of where a lot of our parenting styles came from reading this book which is on line is very eye opening….For Your Own Good
For a different view from another person who found me you could try CIO recovery
